Like many others, I cannot stand January, even in December I dread the New Year. We’re constantly being reminded that we’re all fat, unhealthy, and need to get our lives together and it’s the reminders that I could do without. Every January I see myself trying to juggle a whole new lot of resolutions, sometimes ones that are just carried over from the previous year. The need of wanting to become healthy, fit, organised, and also needing to reflect over the past year to see where it went wrong, or right, and think what’s next.
Although we’ve dragged ourselves through January and somewhat moving faster through February, there are a few things I’m still juggling. We find ourselves reflecting over the Christmas period whether it’s your job, your relationships, or your life in general so it’s no surprise we get to January and are seduced by the idea of complete transformations. In an ideal world I’d love a stronger and lean body, happiness that simply overwhelms me, and a blog that I can be proud of.
Every year I find myself planning, making lists, and getting my hopes up for what seems to be the best year yet. Looking through fitness apps, blogs and YouTube videos to put a plan together that will not only increase my strength but to also increase the size of my muscles. Think Kayla Itsines – not Arnold Schwarzenegger! For years I’ve struggled with even trying to balance and it’s something I get quite embarrassed about, especially at my Tuesday yoga sessions. I also indulge in making weekly meal plans that usually gets influenced by the low carb, high protein, and as much veg I can fit on my plate. Is this what my body even needs? The last thing I do is buy things I know I’ll only use once or twice, because I’m not in the right frame of mind or I’m just too lazy. Workout clothes, weights, running trainers, you name it, I’ve probably bought it.
Then there’s my personal happiness. Am I happy? Am I sad? Do I even know? Sometimes I feel as though I’m madly in love with the idea of being happy that I generally don’t know if I am. This one is something I’ve also struggled with over the years and having to deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis, my mind is too busy to simply just check in with myself. Every year I make a list of things I want to do, things I want to experience, and always expressing the things I love and making sure I take time to do them. After being made redundant last January things took a turn for the worst and I found myself being booked onto a ten day trek in Nepal. I wanted to feel alive and I wanted to achieve something. I’ve always loved walking and it’s something I’ve forgotten about so when I finally went ahead and booked it I felt a sense of relief. I was doing something I loved and in time made me happy. After completing my trip, and speaking with others, I realised that it wasn’t external happiness I was looking for but internal instead. I wasn’t happy with myself.
The last thing I wanted to focus on this year was my blog. Since I was little I’ve always loved writing. I would create magazines or write books and it’s something that I’ve always been proud of. Even now I love doing exactly the same. I love writing blogs, and I love writing for my book. Knowing that something I’ve written can inspire, motivate, educate, or simply change someone’s mindset feeds my passion for writing and it’s something I will never give up. It’s now February and I can definitely say I’ve become more active than I ever was.
I’ve tried focusing on different aspects of my life through the years and sometimes I find it works really well for me, and sometimes I find that it doesn’t, or maybe it’s not the right time. And for what it’s worth, my body and I, my internal happiness, and focusing on my blogging has had some ups and downs over the years but I’ve come a long way and I’m very proud of the things I’ve achieved. This year, I’m cutting myself some slack and taking the pressure off to have everything sorted and figured out.